Frantically searching through Netflix’s back catalog to try to find the perfect choice for Friday Movie Night, I came across a movie named Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Momentarily fooled by the cute-sounding title, I figured “What’s the harm?” and put it on. The film kicks off innocent enough as Jim Carrey’s loony titular protagonist rescues a grateful dog from an abusive burglar, makes a daring escape, and delivers him right back to his real owner... who immediately performs oral sex on him as "payment". At that point, I was just about ready to find something else to watch, but for reasons unknown to me, I kept it on anyway, perhaps because I was still clinging to the false hope that it would somehow get better after that, which it most definitely did not. And so, about 85 minutes of even more disgusting, scatological, unfunny jokes and situations later, the credits finally rolled, leaving me with the feeling that I had seen something as close to literal cinematic trash as I could get.
OK, considering how typically enjoyable Carrey's wacky comedy is, that might be a tad harsh, but still. Even if you feel like watching a stupidly crass comedy to pass the time, the film's utter lack of the comedic brilliance, hilarious timing, and truly embarrassing moments that made “dumb comedies” like Beavis and Butthead Do America and the Austin Powers series actually work, makes it wind up being just plain dumb. Bottom line? Unless you want to experience what has got to be the most unfunny “comedy” ever, don’t even think about hiring this Pet Detective.